Artificial Continuum

Saturday, October 10, 2009
The 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, and 14th to be exact (what with Dante already taking up nine for some poetry), and I'm not really in them, so much as they are spinning around me. I see my mother to my left, and my brother's college roommate (for some odd reason) to my right, and they both thrust their round Mii pelvises in my general direction. I am of course, talking about the atrocity that is the Super Hula Hoop mini-game in Wii Fit.

This is too horrible for words to describe it, but being an internet blogger and all, I shall do so anyways.

Nintendo, in a fit of laziness I'm assuming, decided to, instead of just adding a changeable difficulty to the hula hoop mini-game like they did to the others, just make a second hella hoop(I made a pun!) game. All I have to say to Nintendo is "DAMN YOU."

First, they force me to hula hoop to the right, specifically, for three minutes. Then, just when I'm about to kill myself in some avant garde way, they give me the finger and say that I have to do it for three more minutes, except that it's to the left this time. Damn them.

At this point, I've accumulated five hula hoops, and I'm convinced that there has never been so much pelvic pain and so many rainbow sparkles in one place (except maybe in this).

So finally it's over, and the Wii tells me that I have the balance of a drunk with one leg. Then it goes through it's whole "You're a fat loser and will never find love," thing that it likes to do when ever I crawl back to it.

So this is basically Wii Fit in a nutshell. A bunch of horrible flashing lights, hellish labor set to cheery music, and and the same scale that is being crushed under my feet is also telling me what an obese slob I am. Thanks, Nintendo.


Nick said...

AC readers you have just met Gormy. I hope he didn't scare you to bad.

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