Artificial Continuum

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hi all! Happy Early Halloween! Anna speaking.

Who's got their costume? Who doesn't have their costume? If you fall into the latter category, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, MAGGOT!!!!... Heh heh, sorry, I get really into it.

Anyway, if you are in that costume-less category, I can help. I am going to give you the top ten kids' costumes and teen costumes of 2009 according to, which is unfortunately not the best site, but what the hey, I'm working with it. Here are the top ten kids' costumes.

Rolling in at number 1 (I am not surprised...) is OPTIMUS PRIME! I mean, what kid doesn't want to be a giant, transforming alien robot eighteen-wheeler? (I never did, but now I'm writing a blog for nerds, so I guess that explains everything...)

Gimme a two! Guess what's next?! Cheering its way to uber-perkiness is the USA Cheerleader. Tell me, what's cuter than a little girl in pigtails and pompoms, screaming for letters to spell something? (Tribbles.....)

A twist (or should I say, bobble?) on a Halloween classic, number 3 is the Bobble-Head Ghost costume. Personally, I think that it's a trite, kid-friendly variation on the classic Scream costume, but if it'll make money, then bring on the bobble-heads!

Number 4, a costume that I actually wore as a kid, is the Fairy costume. Tinkerbell would be jealous! But, then again, when isn't she?

Number 5 is our favorite silent ninja (if any of you out there said Naruto, bang your head against a wall right now!), Snake Eyes! The awesome, stoic, and silent ninja of the G.I. Joe team, Snake Eyes was my favorite character throughout the whole movie. (But don't get me wrong... Channing Tatum...)

Number 6 (and I seriously don't understand why this wasn't number 1...) is STAR TREK! Unfortunately, the costume in question is not of my favorite Vulcan, but of a security officer.... Any trekkie out there will agree when I cry out in outrage! Not just because it is not my beloved Spock, but because YOU'RE PRACTICALLY PUTTING A TARGET ON YOUR CHILD'S CHEST! THE GUYS IN THE RED SHIRTS ALWAYS DIE FIRST!!!!!!! Any self-respecting trekkie parent would never be so illogical as to put their child in that costume.

Number 7 is another classic that has been kiddified (patent pending) is the Vampiress costume. And get this, it's not one of the classic vampiresses (is that a word?) with the long black and white hair, fangs, black and red dress with the high collar, and the ruby choker, nooooo. It's all hip and cute and pink! PINK, I TELL YOU!!!!!!! Nope, no, not right.

Number 8 is probably one the best known, angsty-est Marvel superheroes. You guessed it! Wolverine! Not Spiderman. Hah!

Number 9....I can't believe I'm actually writing this down....I'm so ashamed. Witch Lite-Up costume. The hat lights up.... I'm going to go away now. Come and get me when society gets some brains.

And finally, number 10, drum roll please! Power Ranger Reversible costume! Is it just me, or does everything made for children have to have a second function? Light-up, reversible, bobble-head, talks to you, DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE A PATTERN HERE?!?!?!?!?!

All right, next up are the top ten teen costumes.

Number 1: Punk Rock Princess... oh come on! You've got to be kidding me... I see people dressed like that all the time, that's not a costume.

Number 2: Referee. Nothing like a sexed-up sports official to get the Halloween spirit going!

Number 3: Hippie. Going to an all-girls school, I will be seeing an awful lot of flower-children.

Number 4: Honey Bee. (Headwall, need I say more?)

Number 5: Cheshire Cat. Normally I would applaud this use of classical literature!(I'm dressing up as the Mad Hatter, after all.) But this usually kooky kitty has been turned into just another sex kitten costume.

Number 6: Zombie. Not surprised.

Number 7: Tighty Whitey. Okay, you guys have got to see this. Can I get a 'What, what'?
Number 8: Punk Zombie. The illegitimate child of Number 1 and Number 6. With a mohawk.
Number 9: Michael Myers. After all, it is Halloween. And he still hasn't died!

Number 10: Oscar the Grouch. Now that surprised me. Who would've thought that Sesame Street would make a come-back?
Well, if this is what's going to be coming to my house trick-or-treating, I'm locking the door.


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